How to Stop Eating the Whole Responsibility Pie

I have penned a couple LinkedIn posts about how leaders can deal with the nagging, irrational belief that they are responsible for everything. Not just that the buck stops with them – a healthy sense of responsibility – but that everything is their fault – a waking up in the middle of the night exaggerated sense of responsibility.

The posts got some drive-by positive reactions, which makes me think I’ve hit a nerve—or at least struck a chord. So, I thought it might be helpful to dig a bit deeper into the topic rather than simply dash off a social-media-friendly check list.

I think of owning responsibility like eating pie—one slice is fine, but eating the whole thing might mean something else is going on... and it leaves you feeling nauseous and overstuffed.

There are issues related to getting this skewed understanding of responsibility under control so that it does not burn you out and impede your organization’s success. Organizations with leaders who exaggerate their sense of responsibility devolve into cultures where team meetings could be renamed “the blame game.”

But how can that be, if the leader owns all the problems? Here’s the excavation I promised.

Why does this happen in the first place? Are you just a broken person? That’s possible, maybe, but probably not the cause.

Like so many work issues, this one often starts early in your career, when you’re untrained to take on management roles. We go from masterfully executing on the tasks of our portfolio of work to managing a team to overseeing the entire organization and a board of directors.

Most of us succeeded in our careers by taking responsibility for our goals, which made our boss’s life a whole lot easier while making them look good in the process. That’s fine when we oversee a single area of the organization or areas of the business where we have expertise.

As our careers advance, we lead areas where we do not have expertise out of the gate (or may never have). For the high achiever, this can lead to a lot of “I should have caught that” or “I should understand this issue better.” This normal concern becomes a bigger problem when it spirals into, “This one’s all my fault,” or “I’m such a loser.”

We may do this even when there is someone reporting to us who should know the subject better than we do, can translate key issues to someone who is not an expert, and maybe even catch the problem themselves.

Another issue we face is the leadership role itself.

Psychological Centrality

Successful executive directors embrace a concept called psychological centrality – they become the emotional, symbolic, and functional core of the organization – often to a degree that exceeds the formal job description a recruiter handed them. They are the face of the organization and embodiment of the mission, so everyone turns to them for vision, firecracker management skills, and treats in the kitchen every Wednesday.

When there are organizational successes, these masters of executive leadership lead everyone in the network – staff, donors, board, beneficiaries – to see how they contributed to that success. Warning – the flip side is true. When something doesn't go well, everyone sees the executive director as holding the hot potato, being the embodiment of the mission and all.

Without a healthy dose of humanity and authenticity in our leadership approach, we risk becoming increasingly fragile and burnt out.

So, how do you accept this responsibility – this psychological centrality – without chewing the cap off your pen, downing pints of Karamel Sutra, or self-flagellating in your own inventive self-defeating way?

If this were just about your peace of mind and efficacy, trust me, it would be vital that you deal with this.

There is another reason this becomes incredibly important – vital squared or even cubed.

Organizations with leaders who blame themselves for everything create a culture of blame. You read that right. When we take all the blame it has the opposite effect of everyone taking responsibility.

Instead, the team sees you beat yourself up, which signals that they should beat themselves up when they make a mistake. You are modeling the culture you want, after all. That’s a nasty feeling to feel, so to feel better the team starts pointing fingers and dodging pointing fingers through CYA email chains, never stepping up to take on anything new, and pinning everything wrong in the world on leadership. And, you have modeled that you will take that blame.

That’s one nasty pattern to fall into, right?

This is a situation where the leader needs to take care of the leader first to bring about positive changes in the organization.  I’m not talking about bubble baths, scented candles, or deep tissue massages (although those make fabulous rewards for doing the work I’m going to suggest).

To be able to make long term progress on this type of issue, we need a “quick fix” technique that helps us get recentered so that we can lead from a more rational and productive space.

The Responsibility Pie

The responsibility pie is one quick fix that has worked for me. When I was facing stressful leadership moments (and when I face those moments in my personal life today) I found this exercise brings balance – puts the “om” back in my “oh my, I am such a loser.”

To loosen your grip on all this – and begin building a strategy for thriving in your role and building a healthier, safer culture – try one of my favorite exercises – the responsibility pie.

• Draw a circle on a piece of paper

• Briefly describe the situation that led you to the (faulty) conclusion that you’re totally to blame for the mess.

• List the names of EVERYONE who played some role in the situation

• Now divide the circle up according to how much responsibility each person on that list could take in what happened (5%, 25%, 50%?).

Responsibility Pie

Sit back and take that pie chart in. See? You do hold SOME responsibility for what happened, but it is not fully on your shoulders.

Summing Up

In sum, here’s why this exercise is so important:

• While we are beating ourselves up, we are delaying the process of moving forward to the next decision or project in a more effective way.

• In obsessing over ourselves, we often don’t give clear, kind feedback to the others who contributed to the issue (and maybe that feedback during the process might have made for a more desirable outcome in the first place).

• We often see that there were people involved or other factors over which we have very limited control. As much as that stinks, acknowledging it can help us strategize around how we might influence them, even if we can’t control them, in the future.

• Finally – and this is the most important part: In building a more balanced view of how the responsibility is distributed, you can lower your stress levels and show up in your life and for your team modeling true accountability – recognizing that we all play a role and have responsibility in how we show up for each other in our work. 

  
  

Owning your slice of the pie (not the whole pie) can create a safe space for other team members to own their slice – to know that it’s ok to share responsibility. This is the basis for a healthy culture of accountability.

To further encourage accountability, you can try this exercise with a team debriefing an event, project, or initiative. Every individual can create their responsibility pie and then report back to the team on how big a slice of pie they would give themselves and why.

Even if folks in your organizational network think something is 100% your responsibility—you need to know better. Without blaming anyone else, you can own your part of the issue and then invite a conversation about how everyone could work together better next time – including you.

Leadership doesn’t mean owning it all. It means knowing your slice, and helping others do the same.

Are you ready to improve your approach to leadership to build a healthier, safer, and more accountable workplace?  Email me at gary@garybagley.com or connect with me on LinkedIn.